Halt and Catch What To Watch: August 3-9

Season/series premieres: 

Last week’s premieres were pretty lousy, I won’t lie, but this week’s are something else. By something else, I mean astoundingly awful in their own sense.

While we were able to get rid of The Bachelorette last week, ABC’s now giving us two hours straight of contestants from past seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in Bachelor in Paradise, which is essentially a reboot of their old summer series Bachelor Pad. ABC, have you no mercy?

Global is debuting Partners on Thursday, which, no, isn’t that CBS sitcom from two years ago brought back from the dead, but rather an FX sitcom Global somehow snagged the rights to despite Rogers/FX Canada’s deal with FX networks. Much like Anger Management, FX’s other strangely out-of-place sitcom that wound up on a major Canadian network opposed to FX Canada, FX has ordered 10 episodes of Partners, and if it does well over the first 10 episodes then the show gets an additional whopping 90 episode order.
The move is as genius as it sounds. Anger Management’s last new episode on May 29th pulled in just about half a million viewers, down from nearly the 5.47 million who tuned into the premiere. FX also had Fox air four episodes to boost ratings last summer and the numbers are still brutal. On the bright side, there are only 27 more episodes to go.

Friday brings us the “deeply offensive” Jonah From Tonga on HBO Canada. The series caused a huge uproar earlier this year as the star Chris Lilley, who is 40 years old and white, plays a 14-year old boy in “brownface.” Now I think I know why The Knick made Bell Media’s “The Month Ahead” calendar, while this was suspiciously missing.

Show Episode Title Day and Time Networks
Bachelor in Paradise Monday 8 p.m. City/ABC
King of Cones Sundae Funday Monday 10 p.m. Food Network
Partners They Come Together Thursday 8 p.m. Global
Jonah From Tonga Episode 1 Friday 10 p.m. HBO Canada
The Knick Method and Madness Friday 11 p.m. HBO Canada

Season/series finales: 

This week PBS is finished trolling you with My Wild Affair and Sex in the Wild, which are nature shows far less provocative than their titles suggest. TLC also says adios to Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta and Buddy’s Bakery Rescue, and Global’s Rookie Blue ends the first half of its fifth season on Wednesday.

Show Episode Title Day and Time Networks
Last Tango in Halifax Sunday 8 p.m. PBS
Halt and Catch Fire 1984 Sunday 10 p.m. AMC
Vicious Sunday 10:30 p.m. PBS
Longmire Ashes to Ashes Monday 10 p.m. A&E
Buddy’s Bakery Rescue Prince Street Cafe & Bakery Tuesday 10 p.m. TLC
Deadliest Catch You’ll Know My Name Is the Lord Tuesday 10 p.m. Discovery
My Wild Affair The Seal Who Came Home Wednesday 9 p.m. PBS
Rookie Blue Everlasting Wednesday 9 p.m. Global
Sex In The Wild Dolphins Wednesday 10 p.m. PBS
Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta Times Are Changing Friday 9:30 p.m. TLC

Others:

Hall of Fame Game: Buffalo Bills vs. New York Giants
Sunday 8 p.m.
NBC

Better enjoy the Bills while they last Buffalo. Toronto and Bon Jovi are bound to swipe them when you’re not looking.

CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night To Rock
Tuesday 8 p.m.
ABC

Quick: Name all the country artists you regularly listen to. Can’t think of a single one? Well, this special probably isn’t for you.

Cesar Millan: Love My Pit Bull
Thursday 8 p.m.
Nat Geo Wild

In this one hour special, Cesar Millan tries to convince you pit bulls are not terrifying. To that I say, lies, all lies.

FIFA U-20 World Cup
Friday 8 p.m.
CBC

Who says the World Cup is over? Cheer on the Canadian women’s soccer team as they take on Finland for the cup.

Ghost Planes & the Mysteries of Flight 370
Saturday 9 p.m.
History

I hope they’ll be able to explain to me what happened to Oceanic Flight 815 cause all these years later I still wouldn’t even be able to tell you.

(Featured Image: Jonah From Tonga promotional image via Bell Media)

The times above are for the Eastern Time Zone.

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